When celebrities flutter together in a glamarama-type gathering, even in a soiree where the world (and the fashion police) are watching intently, unmitigated disaster can occur. Let's go back to the Oscars in 1989 when Demi Moore designed her own outfit, thinking that perhaps a bustier teamed with cycling shorts was the next big thing. She ended up looking like a hybrid of Lance Armstrong and an extra from Dangerous Liasons. There are those who never learn, like Cher. A stunning vocalist and a truly individual dresser, Cher manages to capture the essence of a Egyptian circus performer that has fallen in a vat of diamante. Yes, even major stars, with so much at their disposal can trip up spectacularly. So imagine the horrors that can occur at smaller scale soirees, when celebs don't have access to top hair and make-up artists, stylists and couture designers forcing dresses upon them. Recently in London The National Soap Awards celebrated another year of tears, trials, tribulations and tantrums from the nation’s soaps. Doubtless some of the soap stars that attended will shed a few tears too, in years to come, when they realise that they got dressed in the dark back in 2009. Ronseal sponsored the celebs' fake tans this year, with Quality Street providing the inspiration behind many of the 'outfits'. Let's take a look at the worst offenders..

Hollie-Jay Bowes & Lydia Kelly from Hollyoaks. If there a poor man's Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi living in the Adam's family mansion then this is them. Pale and interesting is one thing, but this gothic frock horror takes monochrome to the wrong lengths. Both girls are short and are made to look shorter in floor length swathes of black and on Lydia, a low, boob flattening corset, withsome black taffeta Sellotaped round the waistline. Hate the hair on the right too, she reminds me of a bulldog.

Shona McGarty from Eastenders looks thrilled to be out on the town, she's positively beaming through all that bronzer. Clearly she hasn't been out since her 5th birthday party - why else would there still be a tiara nestling in her extensions!? Her look is reminiscent of Xena Warrior Princess attending her prom. This bronze blunder is not improved by the thin brown gauze wrap, or the fussy bejeweled purse she's working like a Birkin.

Alice Coulthard , Maisie Wylde in Emmerdale, goes for distinctive stripes, and still manages to look un-WASPish. But come on! If anyone told you to put that shapeless sack on to a televised awards ceremony, you'd tell them to buzz off!

Babs Windsor, the Eastenders stalwart. Dear ol' Babs still likes a night out on the razzle dazzle. However, here I feel as though she might start proffering me sprigs of lavender or to cross her palm with silver. I look at her and hear Cher singing 'Gypsies, tramps and thieveeees' in my head. At least she's obviously made a couple of quid with Del Monte sponsoring her hairdo. Purple is traditionally a colour that adds a regal, expensive air to a gown. Barbara looks as though she got this little number in a Chavalli clearence sale.

Gemma Bissix - Clare Bates in EastEnders and Clare Devin in Hollyoaks - shimmers in a full-length gown. Unfortunately in all the wrong places. I'm sure I can see an M&S ready meal floating in her midriff. The dress's length and clingyness draws the eye to all Gemma's weakest assets. It's a shame she didn't last longer on 'Dancing On Ice' - she might have burned a few more calories. She looks as if she is attending Coventry's annual Rotary dinner dance . Why didn't she have her roots done before the awards? And what's with the orange Strepsil pendant?

Jennifer Metcalfe, Mercedes McQueen in Hollyoaks, goes for an unusually patterned gown. Perfect for an ancient Aztec queen but not quite working on a scouse stunner. Jennifer has a hawt body, but she's obviously trying to be taken seriously as an actress and not flash any flesh on this occasion. Her dress would be better suited to a feature wall in a Barret show-home. The make-up doesn't compliment the dress either and her hair is a bushy mess. Such a waste of a gorgeous girl.

Kym Marsh from Corrie looks exactly like a Quality Street green triangle in this shot. Her gown is a little short and a little young for her I feel. Her legs are not killer and her thighs look a little chunky in this too-short dress. Why doesn't she do something different with her hair for big nights like this too!? She has a lovely just-stepped-out-of-the-salon bob but we see it three nights a week on the telly. Bo-rrrring. A slim gold belt wouldn't go amiss either here, to break up the sea of cheap shiny green satin.

Anne Charleston is now starring in Emmerdale as Lily Butterfield. Is Madge actually wearing culottes in this pic!? She's a panto regular in the UK and someone should tell her a) Aladdin wants his outfit back and b) Her gut has prolapsed and is swinging around her crotch. She needs a good Spanx-ing! God bless her for still posing and trying to work this  evergreen ensemble though. I have no idea what posessed her to wear black lace gloves, tights and black courts. Perhaps they match the classic, flattering LBD that was cruelly snatched from her just before she hit the red carpet.

So I hope you have learned from the mistakes of others here. Hopefully you will remain as cool as the cucumber floating in your Pimms at all the upcoming summer parties and balls. We'll convene again next month.  xoxo